you know what I love about Disney World? It's "the happiest place on Earth" and yet there are so many EMOS! ;D

that i like.

"Mourning is not forgetting... It is an undoing. Every minute tie has to be untied and something permanent and valuable recovered and assimilated from the dust. The end is gain, of course. Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be made strong, in fact. But the process is like all other human births, painful and long and dangerous."
-Margery Allingham, The Tiger in the Smoke, 1956

was watching Moral Orel this evening and really enjoyed the song they played at the end.
"No Children" by The Mountain Goats
w00t

"I hope the worst isn't over
And I hope you blink before I do
Yeah I hope I never get sober
And I hope when you think of me years down the line
You can't find one good thing to say
And I'd hope that if I found the strength to walk out
You'd stay the hell out of my way"

my kneeeees hurrt!
my ankles hurrrt!
my booobs hurrt!
my neeeeeck hurrrrts!
my head hurrts!

fix it!
*pout*

what is this douche-baggery that has infected my internet connection?!!  GAH.

secondly - tomorrow is going to blow chunks.  Hopefully I'm being pessimistic (or realistic - whatever) and I am actually able to CLOSE on time instead of an HOUR LATE!  I would absolutely LOVE to make it to the bar BY 9pm!  I'm trying this new thing where I do stuff by myself... and I'd like to get a seat established before the hoards of whores arrive and take up space with their skank.   I'm going to attempt cautious optimism and hope that I have, er, five appointments tomorrow!  That would be enough to make quota, take a lunch, and get out on time (seeing as I will be there for six hours at least).

Ok, well, I've taken some Advil PM (WOO!) and have some shit to do before I pass-the-fuck-out! 
Oh, and maybe I'll run into the Englishman tmrw... *wishing*  I am FASCINATED.

toodles (i think that's the Advil kicking in, HAHA)
;D

I feel sick.
very nauseas and generally upset.   I can't stand this anxiety. 
Stemming from a mixture of my ultrasound results STILL not coming back and the british man I'm obssessing over but too scared to really do anything about - I think I will return to bed.
boss has me on the schedule EVENTHOUGH I WROTE OFF for today...  if she writes up the bitch that no-showed this weekend, she can write me up, too.  If she writes one of us it better be both of us. 
I can't think.  doubt I'm making much sense.
can't keep my breath or my sight.
feel like I've been hung with just my tippie toes keeping me alive.

bedbedbed...

What is wrong with me?!  Why do I always get way too hung up on the people I have no chance with!?  I just don't understand. 
I am completely consumed by the need to fuck this british man I met at the bar... who is most likely in his 40s maybe even 50s!  I don't know what it was about him... probably that he's british and I know that it would be NSA and nothing more, but I can't get him out of my head!!!
His coworker is still at the hotel eventhough he is gone.  Is it rude to ask for his number???  And.. am I even this man's type?
ARRRGGG!

i wonder if i should go back on my meds.
i'ma swingin'.